i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Randomize
