I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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