The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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