Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
