Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
