You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
