I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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