This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
