Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
