Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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