My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
