8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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