I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Randomize
