dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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