By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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