shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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