did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
