Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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