"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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