Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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