Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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