I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i think i just lost a toe
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
