We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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