I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
