Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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