you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
