Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
