I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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