we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
