but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
