Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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