we're blogging at a bar
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
