i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
