Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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