a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
