these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My dick has a subreddit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
