i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Screwed.edu
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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