So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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