This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
