TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
