There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
