Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
