Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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