you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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