I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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