I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
