I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
