I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize