dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize