She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My balls are so social today.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
