I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
