Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
