Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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