I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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