So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
