so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
