The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
