if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
