Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
