i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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