I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
