New low: just hacked my moms facebook
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
