Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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