I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Randomize
