i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
