Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So much rum. So many feels.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
