there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
