Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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