I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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