When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so let's talk penis.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
