do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
