I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
