I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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